Naked Transportation. Downtown Journeys

Being a naked transportationist (carless) often my feet takes me on exciting journeys throughout the urban cement jungle that is downtown Los Angeles.

I don’t always have run-ins with the police, sometimes I meet cute boys that have great pick up lines, like “Can you spare a hug,  no, well how about a firm handshake.”

Other times I meet coffee beverages.

I have a coffee addiction. Hot coffee, cold coffee, ice blended coffee, iced coffee, chocolate covered coffee beans, I love it all!!!!

Two weekends ago, my feet took me Ralphs where the slowest barista in the world made me a mocha ice blended. It took fifteen whole minutes and I’m not sure why, but it gave me a chance to explore Ralphs, since I usually shop at Mitsuwa.

Inside Ralphs they have this thing that makes your alcohol cold within seconds, I wondered would it work with orange juice. I debated going to buy some orange juice so I could put it in the instant cold machine, but then I thought about the fact that alcohol doesn’t freeze, which made me deduce that’s probably why the machine works, so I decided against experimenting with the machine using a gallon of orange juice.

After fooling around in the alcoholic beverage section and wondering what the hell that toilet flushing sound was, I returned to the in-store Coffee Bean to find my ice blended still not made, so I decided to open up my computer and troll online.  They have free wireless at Ralphs (though no plugs, that’s a bit aggravating.) Through the corner of my eye I see three women drinking wine, they looked my age so I decided to investigate.

I need more friends with vaginas. I have never been very successful at appealing to that demographic.

After standing near them for a while, I realized that they were doing a wine tasting.

I thought that was really weird, but oh well. This is downtown this whole place is weird.

I then go back to get my ice blended, the girl behind the counter goes, “Here ma’am.”

She takes all day to make my drink and then she calls me ma’am, like I’m old. I was alot younger when I first ordered. Well maybe I was to her. There is that saying never trust anyone over 30, damn I guess I am old.

So I go back with my ice blended and ask for a glass to do some wine tasting. The wine was pretty gross and the Ralphs wine tasting staff seemed a little bit possessive of the glasses.

How do you have a wine tasting if you keep using the same glass for all of the wines?

I forgot it was Ralphs, maybe if it were Gelson's the most wonderful store in the world they would know how to do a wine tasting properly. Gelson's wouldn’t call it a wine tasting, but a wine and cheese bazaar, since it wasn’t like we were tasting it, we were drinking it.

Gelson’s would have been more creative about the whole matter.

Anyways  here’s a picture of my classy night at Ralphs.

-by Browne